The good, The Bad, And The Ugly

No matter how positive a person is, it’s impossible to be optimistic all the time. Lately, I admit, I have been having the less than positive attitude. Don’t get me wrong, things are great.

Book stuff is wonderful and friends and family life is alive and kicking. The second situation is the reason for my slight state of dismay.

Having two beautiful daughters is the best part of my life. I would not change a single moment of it, even when I want to pull my hair out. Sometimes, one of them will do something adorable or new. I am elated for the newest milestone, but regret still floods my heart.

It’s a deep ache that stabs me all the way deep in my gut. My eyes start to sting and a lump forms in my throat. Sometimes, just being able to hear the even isn’t good enough.

Though I’m still happy it’s happened, I long to observe it for myself. Other people’s descriptions are great and much appreciated. It’s just not the same.

When Peanut started school, I was so happy for her. She was beyond excited and I don’t think her head left the clouds the entire morning. A genuine smile was plastered across my face. Inside, just inside, I was enveloped in a strenuous pity party.

It didn’t seem fair that I couldn’t see my baby at her first circle time, or doing the hand motions with her classmates to new songs. When she made her first new friend of the long school year, I couldn’t see the dimples on her cheeks as she smiled. When she played on the playground and rode in a wagon, I couldn’t see it for myself.

Am I usually down in the dumps about my situation? Nope, not at all. However, I feel it’s necessary to share everything with you, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The whole point of this blog is to shed a new light on the subject of blindness. I wanted to show people that there is a brighter side to the disability. Nevertheless, it is equally important to show the reality of the bad moments. Though they may be few and far between for me, they might not be for someone else.

To be able to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, you have to first see all angles of how they fit. So, that’s what this post is about. My shoes fit great, but sometimes there’s a lump in my sock that makes me uncomfortable for a minute.

On My Hands and Knees Begging For Help:)

I know that donating to a project or cause that you have no guarantee will be a success can be intimidating. Maybe you think your pledge won’t make a difference. Maybe you are leery of giving money to a stranger. No matter what the reason, I hope you will reconsider.

I assure you that every dollar earned will be going to this book project. My fans want it so much that it is crucial for me to get it done. That being said, there is no way I would ever back out of my end of the deal.

Kick Starter is a crowd funding website that aims to help connect people with creative projects with possible investors. A person has a limited amount of time to reach their goal. If their goal is not met, no money exchanges hands. That’s right, your money never leaves your wallet.

Second, if you decide to pledge, you will receive prizes for your generosity. Therefore, it’s kind of like purchasing something. Once the goal date has passed, all the people who supported the project will receive their items.

I plan to send people who pledge emails updating them on the progress on the production of the audio book. I am producing my books through a company called ACX. The narrator I have chosen is Melissa Strom. She is a well respected and very talented actress. She has agreed to stay on for the entire series which is anticipated to be four novels.

Again, I know it seems risky. Just know that I will never receive any of your financial banking information. All transactions are completed through Amazon Payments. This is a secure way to ensure your financial protection.

The reason it is so important to me to have my books done in audio is because… well, I myself am blind. I know what it’s like to look for a novel on Audible and have it not be there. That is one of the most frustrating things a book lover can go through. Additionally, as mentioned earlier, fans have written to me wanting to know when the series will be available in audio.

The only reason I haven’t done it by myself is because I haven’t had the money. My first book only just came out in August and the second will be out in December. Therefore, right now my funds are limited. I would never ask strangers for funds if it wasn’t completely necessary. This is the only way I can carry out this portion of my dream in a somewhat timely fashion.

I am a single mommy to two great little girls. I want them to be proud of their mom. Most of all, I want to build a career that will give them a better life. Yes, money can’t by happiness, but it is a big part of life.

I don’t want to depend on Disability income anymore. I want the pride of standing on my own two feet knowing that I’ve worked my buns off to get there. When I received my first royalty check of fifty dollars, you would have thought that I had been given a mountain of diamonds and gold ripe for the picking. I cried, knowing that this was my first real pay check. I earned it all by myself and not because of something that was beyond my control.

The town I live in is a difficult one for finding regular employment, especially when you have a disability. I have tried on numerous occasions to get a job. On all of those occasions I was turned down. They of course couldn’t tell me the real reason, but I knew what it was. They were intimidated by my blindness. They didn’t think I could handle the job, though I was more than qualified. I was never given the proper chance that I deserved and wanted so desperately.

You see, I have never been someone that enjoys getting something for nothing. That’s why it took me so long to decide on creating a Kick Starter project. I finally decided that it wouldn’t hurt to try. If someone didn’t want to pledge, they didn’t have to. If they did, then awesome.

I didn’t want to wonder for the rest of my life if it would have worked. It’s the what if’s that keep you up at night and kicking yourself in the end.

The great thing about a Kick Starter project is that you can back out at any time if you change your mind. The minimum pledge is one dollar, so breaking the bank is not a problem. You will have comfort in knowing that you helped in making someone’s dream come true. Someday when I’m as famous as James Patterson or any of the other great authors out there, you can say you helped me get to where I am.

I don’t plan to take your money and run. As I’ve said, you will get some really cool prizes for each of your donations. I will send you update emails and I’d like to keep in touch with you long after the project is completed. I want you to know that your contribution means a lot to me and I will never forget it or you. I will also be happy to respond to emails anytime, even if the project is done and the productions complete. After all, if it wasn’t for all of you, it wouldn’t be possible.

I only have until November first to reach my goal. That is less than two weeks away. So I am before you on my hands and knees begging for your support. Pretty please consider helping me achieve my dream. It would mean a lot and I’d be eternally grateful.

Helping To Teach Tolerance

One good aspect of being the only blind member in your family is your ability to teach tolerance. It’s the perfect way for a “normal” person to have positive interactions with a disabled person. Most of all problems start from lack of knowledge. Having a disabled person in the family is a chance to learn that different is beautiful.

Many people react strongly when face to face with someone who is different than what they are used to. For some it’s hard to even approach a disabled person. They may even give them a wide birth and simply stare from a distance. Unfortunately, there is a multitude of complications with this reaction. First, by not approaching the person you may be missing out on a meaningful interaction that could form a long lasting friendship. Second, the person you’re staring at probably is well aware of the fact that you are staring at them. Third, you’re missing out on a chance to answer your own inquiries about the type of disability the person has.

Another common reaction is to treat the disabled person as though they are not mentally capable of holding an intelegent conversation/dialogue. For example: It’s never necessary to treat a thirty year old blind man as though he has the mental capacity of a three year old. All this will cause is a negative response from the person you’re attempting to interact with. The only incidence you should talk to a person as though they are a child is if they are one.
If you see a blind person (or any other type of disabled person) don’t be afraid to approach them. They wont bite, at least not mormaly. If you like their shirt tell them. If you have a question ask it of them. If asked appropriately the question will more than likely receive a positive reaction and maybe you will learn something about the person in the process. The only dumb question is the one you didn’t ask. I myself would much rather have someone ask me a question about my blindness then have them sit there and stare at me wondering silently.

When a disabled person is in your family that allows you to have normal day to day interactions with that person. It unconsciously teaches you that there’s a person behind the disability. They are not just a label from a pigeon hole stereotype. They have feelings, thoughts, opinions and knowledge that are valuable if just given the chance to express them. Instead of saying “this is my cousin Nikki and she’s blind”, maybe you’ll learn to say “this is my cousin Nikki and she’s a funny, intelegent wonderful person who just happens to be blind”. A disability is a very small part of someone. It is in no way, shape, or form the defining factor of their character.

A wonderful example of learned tolerance from my own life is that of my niece. She has grown up with a blind auntie pretty much all of her life. She has never known me with sight at least that she remembers. I lost my sight when she was far to young to have a strong recollection of me being able to see her.

When she was barely in grade school she was faced with a blind classmate that was in her grade. None of her other classmates played with the blind girl and she was always alone at recess other than her helper. A lot of the kids stared and whispered about her and rarely talked to her directly.

This of course changed with my niece. She was used to being around me, so she knew the right way to interact and assist a blind person. She took it apon herself to talk to the girl and get to know her. She assisted her when needed without doing so in a mocking way. They became good friends both at school and outside of it. My niece didn’t allow a small difference to influence her decision to make a knew friend. I am very proud of her for taking the chance and going against the grain.

If more people took this stand in life it would be a much more tolerant place for all. Difference IS beautiful and knowledge IS power. I challenge my readers to make an effort to connect with a person they would otherwise not interact with. I promise the result will be worth it and will have a meaningful impact on your life.

PS… I apologize for referring to the girl in my example as “the blind girl”. This was in no way intended to go against my advice and place a label on her. I don’t like to name names in my stories and it was simply a method of differentiating her in the story for clarification purposes only.