Insane Questions For The Blind

In talking to new friends in the blind community, I've come across some funny questions asked by the uninformed. These are just some of the few that I thought would make you smile.

1. How do you eat?

2. How do you have sex?

3. How do you go to the bathroom?

4. More specifically, how do you wipe your butt?

5. Are you just faking for attention?

6. How do you parent your child if you're blind?

7. Where are your sunglasses?

8. Do you know Steevie Wonder?

9. How do you walk?

10. How many fingers am I holding up?

11. What color is my hand?

12. Can you see me?

13. How do you read?

Though I could pick apart all of these for a million paragraphs, diagraming exactly why they are rediculous... I won't, at least not right now. That would be for another post on another day. For now, just join me and laugh at some of the silly things that blind people have been asked.

PS... please keep in mind that these questions were mostly asked by full grown adults... and then laugh a little harder

Moments That Leave You Speachless

1. When a child innocently asks you "did you just see that?" You want to be polite so you just smile and say yes. Without hesitation they utter their confused responce, "But you can't see."

2. When you tell the store clerk you need help with your debit card because your blind. Instead of acting normal, they panic and start yelling "OF ... COURSE... I... CAN... HELP... YOU!!!" They speak loud, slow and with far two much lip action because of course you are blind, so you must be deaf too.

3. When you five year olds draws a picture of you and makes sure to draw you with glasses so that you will be able to see.

4. That moment when your sitting in an appointment, realize you have to pee something fierce, excuse yourself, then jump up and rush out of the room forgetting you're blind. By the way, this is usally followed by a trip and stumble over a chair or other object. Not to mention the all too mortifying slam into the wall.

5. When driving with your Gram, someone jumps out of their car to charge at beloved Gram on a road raging rampage. Again for getting your blind, you in turn jump out of the car to rush at him and handle the situation. (This actually happened to me and will be explained in a future "Did That Really Just Happen?" post)

These are of course just a few speachless rendering little moments. I have tons and will continue to share them with you. I would love to hear yours. Please leave them in the comment section or shoot me a private email. I will collect responces and add them into future lists.

On My Hands and Knees Begging For Help:)

I know that donating to a project or cause that you have no guarantee will be a success can be intimidating. Maybe you think your pledge won’t make a difference. Maybe you are leery of giving money to a stranger. No matter what the reason, I hope you will reconsider.

I assure you that every dollar earned will be going to this book project. My fans want it so much that it is crucial for me to get it done. That being said, there is no way I would ever back out of my end of the deal.

Kick Starter is a crowd funding website that aims to help connect people with creative projects with possible investors. A person has a limited amount of time to reach their goal. If their goal is not met, no money exchanges hands. That’s right, your money never leaves your wallet.

Second, if you decide to pledge, you will receive prizes for your generosity. Therefore, it’s kind of like purchasing something. Once the goal date has passed, all the people who supported the project will receive their items.

I plan to send people who pledge emails updating them on the progress on the production of the audio book. I am producing my books through a company called ACX. The narrator I have chosen is Melissa Strom. She is a well respected and very talented actress. She has agreed to stay on for the entire series which is anticipated to be four novels.

Again, I know it seems risky. Just know that I will never receive any of your financial banking information. All transactions are completed through Amazon Payments. This is a secure way to ensure your financial protection.

The reason it is so important to me to have my books done in audio is because… well, I myself am blind. I know what it’s like to look for a novel on Audible and have it not be there. That is one of the most frustrating things a book lover can go through. Additionally, as mentioned earlier, fans have written to me wanting to know when the series will be available in audio.

The only reason I haven’t done it by myself is because I haven’t had the money. My first book only just came out in August and the second will be out in December. Therefore, right now my funds are limited. I would never ask strangers for funds if it wasn’t completely necessary. This is the only way I can carry out this portion of my dream in a somewhat timely fashion.

I am a single mommy to two great little girls. I want them to be proud of their mom. Most of all, I want to build a career that will give them a better life. Yes, money can’t by happiness, but it is a big part of life.

I don’t want to depend on Disability income anymore. I want the pride of standing on my own two feet knowing that I’ve worked my buns off to get there. When I received my first royalty check of fifty dollars, you would have thought that I had been given a mountain of diamonds and gold ripe for the picking. I cried, knowing that this was my first real pay check. I earned it all by myself and not because of something that was beyond my control.

The town I live in is a difficult one for finding regular employment, especially when you have a disability. I have tried on numerous occasions to get a job. On all of those occasions I was turned down. They of course couldn’t tell me the real reason, but I knew what it was. They were intimidated by my blindness. They didn’t think I could handle the job, though I was more than qualified. I was never given the proper chance that I deserved and wanted so desperately.

You see, I have never been someone that enjoys getting something for nothing. That’s why it took me so long to decide on creating a Kick Starter project. I finally decided that it wouldn’t hurt to try. If someone didn’t want to pledge, they didn’t have to. If they did, then awesome.

I didn’t want to wonder for the rest of my life if it would have worked. It’s the what if’s that keep you up at night and kicking yourself in the end.

The great thing about a Kick Starter project is that you can back out at any time if you change your mind. The minimum pledge is one dollar, so breaking the bank is not a problem. You will have comfort in knowing that you helped in making someone’s dream come true. Someday when I’m as famous as James Patterson or any of the other great authors out there, you can say you helped me get to where I am.

I don’t plan to take your money and run. As I’ve said, you will get some really cool prizes for each of your donations. I will send you update emails and I’d like to keep in touch with you long after the project is completed. I want you to know that your contribution means a lot to me and I will never forget it or you. I will also be happy to respond to emails anytime, even if the project is done and the productions complete. After all, if it wasn’t for all of you, it wouldn’t be possible.

I only have until November first to reach my goal. That is less than two weeks away. So I am before you on my hands and knees begging for your support. Pretty please consider helping me achieve my dream. It would mean a lot and I’d be eternally grateful.

Did That Really Just Happen 4

I haven’t had a Did That Really Just Happen moment in a while. I happened to have such an experience on Peanuts second day of school. I never would have expected an incident there, but what can you do? It just goes to show these things can happen anywhere.

I was there with my mom, dropping little Miss Peanut off in the morning. The first thing they do before breakfast is circle time. After this activity, the kids are directed to go and wash their hands before meal time.

Mom and I were just getting ready to leave when someone approached. “He,” a soft voice said.

I could tell it was an older man. I didn’t recognize the voice and had no idea who it was. “Hi,” I sounded a little unsure than intended, but the man didn’t seem to notice.

“Do you know the Crunks?” He seemed very hopeful, though his voice was barely above a whisper.

I searched my memory bank high and low. The name didn’t ring a bell at all. “No,” I replied. “Do they have a child in this class?” Stupidly, I found myself looking around for the Crunk family as if I could pick them out of a crowd. This was ridiculous on so many levels. Even if I had known who the Crunks were (which I didn’t), then I wouldn’t have been able to see them. So scanning the room was a pointless effort.

“No, they live on the east coast,” he said, dead serious. “I used to live there too. They had a son who was blind.”

“Oh,” I responded a little confused. “That’s cool.”

“Yeah, he was a nice kid. I thought maybe you two might know each other.”

Trying hard not to laugh I said, “Nope, sorry. Well, me and my mom are leaving now. I’ll see you later.”

He made his goodbyes since he was leaving too. He never said anything else about the Crunk family and left me more than a little baffled.

Why is it that some people assume that because you’re blind you must know every single blind person in the world? lol I wonder if the same rule applies to the deaf community. I didn’t react rude to this because it wasn’t ill intended. Some people just genuinely think this is how it works. I thought this was really cute. It used to happen a lot more often, but I haven’t experienced it in a while.

Has this ever happened to you? If so tell me about it in the comment section of this post. I am also looking for guest posters for this blog. If you have a funny Did That Really Just Happen moment and it’s too long to put in a comment, send me a message and set up a guest post. I’d love to have you. Just use the contact link on this page or leave me your email in the contact section.

Canes and Stones May Break My Bones but CarPorts Are really Embarrasing!

The first time I learned to walk with a cane I had to do so blind folded because I still had sight. My Mobility instructor explained that it was necessary so that I would learn to trust myself. I was leery but I did what I was told.

She was a very nice and capable instructor named JoAnne from the Washington State department of Services for the Blind (DSB). This is an amazing organization for blind and visually impaired adults to get acquainted with resources and assistance in learning skills to help with every day living. Most have a similar organization so do a quick internet search to find one in your area.

Before I get started with my first experience with cane travel I should probably mention that I lived in a neighborhood at the time that had absolutely no sidewalks. This definitely made the task a more cumbersome and intimidating adventure but an adventure none the less.

I picked up the basics fairly quickly and was feeling pretty good about myself. Even though I wanted to peak under the blind fold but I never did. JoAnne made it perfectly clear that if I got into a bind she was going to refrain from helping me unless I was about to do harm to myself or someone else.

It had been smooth sailing for the most part though so I really wasn’t too worried. After all, how hard could walking around the block in my own childhood neighborhood really be? The answer to that question… apparently very hard…

So I’m walking along talking back and forth with JoAnne thinking I’ve got the whole blind thing pretty locked. I didn’t even notice that JoAnne’s voice was getting further and further away from me. In fact, I didn’t notice there was even a problem until my cane hit something metal.

I instantly started to panic. I was walking on a road that was a straight shot with no metal anywhere on the road. There was absolutely no reason for me to have hit something like that. I stepped forward to examine the obstacle with my hand.

With in a second I realized I was touching what had to be a garage door. During this time JoAnne still hadn’t said a word. Completely lost and totally confused I turned around and her for some help.

She asked me where I thought I was. I of course said that I was in front of a garage. She then asked me I noticed about the way my voice sounded. I started to tell her I didn’t know what she meant when I noticed that my voice was echoing.

As I came to this conclusion she walked to me and slipped off the blind fold so I could see the pickle I had worked myself in. I had managed to veer off like a wobbly shopping cart into someone’s driveway. I narrowly missed hitting their parked car and went into their car port, which is of course why my voice had been echoing.

To make matters worse the owner of the home was standing in a pathway next to the driveway where I was standing holding a bag of garbage. He had clearly witnessed the entire debacle.

I later found out that when JoAnne noticed what I was doing and she saw the man she held a finger to her lips. He being a good sport played along while a complete blind folded stranger wandered onto his property. I was positively mortified. I was mad at myself for not being able to walk a straight line successfully. JoAnne didn’t let me stay down for long though, she assured me it was normal in the beginning and I would get better. The best course of action now would be to teach me how to get myself out of the predicament without losing my directional course.

Now ten years later I know though to pick up on audible clues to help me understand my surroundings more clearly. I know that it’s okay to feel confident and engage in conversation while walking but its imperative that I still pay close attention to what I am doing. I will never forget JoAnne and the things she taught me and appreciate every minute she took to make sure I learned to be a safe traveler.

If you are learning how to use a cane don’t give up. It can be overwhelming and at times even a little scary but it’s worth it in the end I promise. It will give you independence and after a while you will start to feel naked without it. Just be patient and learn to laugh when you make mistakes because it’s normal and not the end of the world.

If you have any funny, embarrassing or informative stories to share on the subject please feel free to leave them in the comment section under this post. If you just have too much to say contact me and we can work out the possibility of you doing a guest post for this blog.

Thanks for reading and remember… When life’s got you down keep you head up, you can’t see the ground anyway.

I'm Blind But I Can Still Hear You

It’s possibly redundant but I feel I need to clarify something. Are you ready for this? Well here goes. Being blind doesn’t always mean you can’t hear.

I know shocker right? Well maybe not, but for some it apparently is. More often than you might think someone will yell at me when they find out I am blind. They will talk totally normal until that point.

What’s funny is how in one breath they are all “It’s so cool that you have heightened senses and stuff”, and then in the next they are yelling at you in case your lack of sight affects your ear canals. There are of course blind people that are also deaf. I however, am not one of those people. I do admit that occasionally I utilize selective hearing does come into play but that’s entirely different.

For the most part I smile good naturedly and don’t comment that they are blasting out my ear drums. And hey, that’s a huge concession on my part if you ask me. After all, if they blow the ear drums that would leave me with nothing but touch and smell.

There are days I want to look at them and yell back things like “WHAT DID YOU SAY? I’M SORRY I CAN’T SEE YOU!” Keep in mind that while I say this I would cup my hand over one eye like people do over an ear when they can’t hear something. I know kind of childish but I think it would be pretty funny. A girl’s gotta get her kicks somehow.
No I’m not in a “the glass is half empty” sort of mood. In fact, I am in a great mood. I have gotten a lot of work done on my book Clandestine I just had a random thought about this topic while editing and thought I would share it with you.

As you guys have heard me talk about before in earlier posts, one of the characters in Clandestine is blind. Her name is Lucy and in a scene she encounters this problem. I thought about making her reaction similar to the one mentioned above but haven’t decided yet if I should. Lucy is a perky girl that doesn’t have much of a filter. She does strike me as someone that would say something like that with a bright smile the whole time she was speaking. Who know, maybe I can work something like it in. I guess you will have to get the book when it’s released to find out… wink wink. Lol

Well I need to get back to the grind stone. This post was wiggling around in my brain so I needed to get it out so it would leave me alone. Okay don’t worry I am not weird or anything. The post obviously wasn’t freaking out in my head. I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. I get kind of OCD about things like that until I get it done.

If you haven’t signed up for my other blog that focuses on my writing and Clandestine please go take a peak and sign up. It is a fairly new blog but it’s getting updated all the time. I even do contests. My first will be ending today but I plan to do more in the future. This will be especially true around the time that Clandestine releases this summer. You can visit my other blog by clicking Here

Have a good day everyone. If you ever have any questions please feel free to share them in the comment section of this post or by sending me a private message using the contact link.

The Skinny On The Real Blind Date

I don’t really see what all the fuss is about with a blind date. Sure you don’t really know the person but so what. You don’t know the cashier that rings up your groceries either. You don’t lose any sleep or sweat profusely at the thought of telling him or her your name do you? Well, maybe you do but that’s probably to do with an entirely different problem.

When a blind person goes on a date every date is a blind date. They don’t know what the person looks like or whether or not they are wearing pink bunny slippers with a flannel shirt and nothing else. They can’t see that when the person smiles in greeting they are really revealing a mouth full of nothing but gums. They do not know if the person has a gnarly cold soar before they come in for the kiss at the end of the night. They can not see when they motion for the water to give you an extra shot in your drink. Supposedly, everything looks better in the dark, but that isn’t always a comforting thought if your lights can’t be turned back on in the morning.

Voices can be very deceiving. Sometimes a voice sounds like the sexiest thing you’ve ever heard. Don’t be fooled! Just because someone sounds like Edward from Twilight doesn’t mean they actually resemble so much as his big toe. A person who sounds identical to Jenna Jameson might be better compared to your Schnauzer. It’s quite possible you are in the middle of a nightmare with a face not even a mother would love.

This is not to say that this should discourage you. After all you are not supposed to judge a book by its cover right? Just because someone isn’t your type doesn’t mean they can’t be your soul mate. When you are blind it’s easier to get to know someone for who they are and not how dazzling their blue eyes look in the moon light. A blind person has to realize that their entire definition of “type” needs to be altered to allow for new possibilities.

Maybe more sighted people should close their eyes when meeting someone new. The main problem is things aren’t always how they appear and the first time you touch your date you might be unpleasantly surprised. Running away screaming isn’t a good option when this happens. Don’t forget you can always peak. So the next time you’re nervous about your big blind date remember…

There’s always someone out there with a worse plight then you. Just suck it up and take a chance. At least you can see to make a smooth escape if things don’t go as planned.

If you liked this post please use the links below to share it with your friends. Be sure to subscribe to Playing the Blind Card to receive updates via Email when future posts are published. If you have any horrible blind date stories whether you’re blind or sighted please share them in the comment section of this post. I also have another blog at http://www.authornicolerae.blogspot.com where you can read a description of my upcoming book Clandestine Slayer Saga Book 1.

Quote Of The Day

"Literature is my Utopia. Here I am not disenfranchised. No barrier of the senses shuts me out from the sweet, gracious discourses of my book friends. They talk to me without embarrassment or awkwardness."~~Helen Keller