Debunking 10 Myths About Blindness

1. Blind people have supersonic hearing.
This is maybe true for some people. I can’t speak for all of my people. I personally feel like I have selective good hearing. If I am paying attention, the environment is just right, and it’s a Tuesday… I might have a little extra special hearing. Don’t even bother talking to me on Wednesday’s though.

2. Being blind means you can’t see a thing.
There are so many degrees of blindness. Some people identify as blind and they can still see. However, their vision could be as low as light perception only. Or, maybe the person can only see shadows. I have also met people that can’t see when they are in bright conditions. When I could still see, I had night blindness. Other people can only see using their peripheral vision. There is a definite grey area to blindness. It is not all darkness.

3. We all know Stevie Wonder.
You would not believe how many times someone wanted to know if the famous singer and I were buddies behind the scenes.

4. Just because I am blind does not mean I know every single blind person who has ever lived.
When my youngest daughter was in pre-school, I had a man come up to me and ask me if I knew *insert name*.
“No, does he have a kid that goes to this school?” I said a little confused. I should point out I had never been introduced to this guy one time.
He put a hand on my shoulder. “Oh no. He lives in Minnesota. I thought maybe because you were both blind…”

5. Not all blind people like to be touched by strangers.
Think back to the example I just gave in number four. When that guy touched my arm, I fully admit, it kind of creeped me out. I am not opposed to contact from other people. My problem was that I didn’t even know this guys name and yet he thought it would be a great idea to touch me. Another time I don’t like to be touched is in cases of my face. I can’t explain it. There is no real reason why. Ever since I lost my vision, I hate when someone randomly touches my face. They could be doing me a favor and getting a crumb off my cheek or a hair out of my eye. I appreciate it, but please tell me first. It saves me the awkward embarrassment of jerking back like I just got electrocuted.

6. No, I don’t want to touch your face.
This is a big one folks. In my experience in the blind community, it is extremely rare that you will find a blind person who wants to be introduced to you and get acquainted by giving your face a rub down. It’s no offense, but just yuck. I have yet to meet a blind person who does this. You know that expression, you don’t know where that has been? This kind of applies to that. It is no disrespect, but we don’t know if you are clean. We don’t know if you are greasy. You could have a poor complexion problem. You could have an open wound on your face. We also wouldn’t want to accidentally recruit you by poking you in the eye. There is just so many reasons why this is just not a good thing. Please, for the love of all blind people, just shake our hand.

7. Yes, I can hear you.
While it is true that some blind people are also deaf; this is not true for all of us. Even still, I can recall on several occasions where someone yelled at me rather than just speaking. Once, I asked a person why they were yelling. I am not kidding here… they actually told me that they did so because I was blind.

8. Blindness does not mean that I am a baby.
People mean well. I don’t in any way think that this is done out of malice for most people. Frequently however, I have had many people talk to me as though I am five years old. I’m not sure what it is about my cane. Sometimes though, it brings out the baby talk more than child-birth.

9. It is alright to talk directly to the blind person in front of you.
I believe this one happens because people are not sure how to act around a blind person. This is nothing against them at all. For instance, I come from a small town. This means that the blind population is not very big. This in turn means that people have little to no exposure to my people. Consequently, this means that sometimes the awkward interaction occurs. It sometimes goes something like this…
“Store Clerk: “Can I help you?” Their eye-contact is held with the sighted person beside me.
Me: “Yes, can you help me find *insert item*”
Store Clerk: Again, looking at my friend. “Does she know what color she wants?”
My friend: “I’m not sure. Why don’t you ask her?”
Unfortunately, this happens a lot. Again, I don’t think they are trying to ignore me. I just don’t think they quite know what to do about the whole blindness thing.

10. Blind people can’t do anything productive.
HA!!! This one is hilarious to me. Blind people are capable of doing so many things. We have jobs. We are athletes. We are parents. We are writers. We are musicians. We are volunteers. I have met so many amazing blind people over the years. Some of them impress me to the point of WOW! I have met blind people who go skiing and sky-diving. I have met blind lawyers. My husband is a blind drummer. There are blind Chefs and actors. There are blind people in the Government and politics. There was a blind person who played college football at one point or another. And the list goes on and on… Blindness is just a part of us. We can almost do anything a sighted person can do.

Thanks for reading.

There is more that could have made the list. Maybe there will be a second edition, so keep your eye out. If you are blind, what would be on your list? Visit the Facebook page and right yours in the comments for this post. If you are sighted, please don’t think I am bashing the way you do or don’t interact with blind people. I am fully aware that the vast majority do not mean to be offensive or hurtful. This post was done like most of my list posts are… to entertain and bring a little humor to the subject of blindness. As I have said a million times, blindness is not the end of the world. It is okay to laugh at experiences. It is even better to talk about them. In fact, that is how people learn.

First Online Class At Grand Canyon University

I am in the final week of my first class at GCU. I have so many thoughts on this experience so far. I can't wait to tell you all about it. So far so good!

The first class they have you do is University Success (UNV-108). This is an introduction to the online platform. It gives a taste of what life will be like through out all of your courses. It also is taylored to your specific degree program which is amazing! This means you get to jump into your major right away!

There is more than one teacher who teaches this class. The Professor that I have is fantastic. She is so responsive to private messages. She is super engaged through out all the elements of the class. She gets grades back fast. That last one is my favorite because Lord knows I am crazy when it comes to grades.

The support behind the scenes from my Student Services Counselor, Field Experience Counselor, Library Staff and Enrollment Counselor has been great. This is another fantastic aspect of GCU. You are not in this alone. You have an entire graduation team who has your back from start to finish.

So far, everything has been very accessible with my screen reader on both my computer and my phone. I am currently using JAWS and Voiceover on my iPhone.

I am able to navigate all of the different areas of the online classroom with no problems at all. I tend to bounce between using two different browzers, Firefox and Google Crome. I use Google most often.

I am able to get my textbooks so far in PDF format. I download them onto my phone using the Voice Stream Reader ap that I purchased from the ap store for $14.99. This has been a fairly plainless process. I admit that I would rather have a real person reading than a computerized voice though. In some of my classes this will be possible because I am an ENglish major. I can't speak for what is available for other programs.

I took one quiz in this class and it was also totally accessible. I was worried because tests on online platforms are sometimes glitchy with screen readers. How refreshing it was to realize that I had nothing to worry about.

The library section of the school website is accessible for the most part. I will say that it does sometimes take longer to find exactly what i am looking for when I am searching for journal articles. Once I have found the one I want, click on it, and try to read... It takes a while to find exactly where to go. I wish there was some more fine tuned key-commands to navigate this. Honestly, there could be and I am just not aware of them yet. This is all so new to me.

Last week, we had to do a video submission assignment about our disposition to teach. I was really nervous about this. I have to admit though, it makes me want to get back into my YouTube channel again. Want to see how I did?

Watch Disposition To Teach Here
Overall, I am really happy with this decision to start GCU. I am proud to be a Lope! Stay tuned to follow me on this journey. Comment down below and let me know what videos you would like to see on the channel.

My First Week at Grand Canyon University

The first week of my online school experience is down in the record books. In fact, we are half way through the second week. This makes me expert enough to chat with you right?

Maybe not...

I'm going to do it anyway. I love my school so far guys! It so far has been a wonderful experience. If this is any indication of how the rest of my program is going to go, I have nothing to worry about.

Gran Canyon (GCU) has so many resources to set students up for success. The level of student support is outstanding. Haven't been to school in a few years??? That doesn't matter. They have tutorials and webinars to help you with everything.

They have a dozen librarians on staff to help you utilize their large library to best meet your needs. Have no idea how to format a paper in APA or MLA format??? That doesn't matter... They have a tutorial and a template for you. Not sure if your Reference List is on point? Send it to a librarian for some advice.

I'm telling you, this University is amazing!

One of the best parts is, the accessibility. GCU uses an online platform called Loud Cloud. I was worried about this going in. There is no ap like there is with Canvas. I had never heard of it before. It was possible based on this, I was making a huge mistake right?

Wrong!

Up to this point, I have not experienced any issues at all with accessibility. Has there been a few minor hiccups? Sure, of course there has. Honestly though, that is to be expected with anything.

The faculty has been more than willing to help with anything I need. My teacher automatically offered to send me any class documents if I had issues finding something. She is very quick to respond to any questions I have about navigating the platform.

Grading...

It's still early, but this process has been fantastic. I have had experiences where you are waiting practically until the end of the quarter to receive a grade on a single assignment. This has not been like that at all. Don't quote me on this, but I believe GCU has a policy in place that gives teachers a four business day turn around on grading. This is a game-changer for me. I'm not going to lie. I get so stressed waiting for a final grade on an assignment some times.

I will leave this post here. I will explain more another day. If you are considering going back to school and you don't know where to go... I would absolutely encourage you to check out Grand Canyon University. They are a private school. There tuition is not much different than that of an in-state school. Check out some of their videos online, visit there website, or chat with an enrollment counselor. What have you got to lose? Nothing! That's what. You do have everything to gain. I promis you that.

Until next time friends

Finally an accessible game on the iPhone

I've been looking for months for a fully accessible game that works with the iPhone. I wanted something that was multiplayer. Meaning, I could play with a real live person, not a computer.

Thanks to a friend of playing the blind card on Facebook, I have finally found one! You can find it in your App Store for free! It is called dice world!

It has four different fun dice games that can be played by yourself or with another person. You can connect with Facebook or Twitter friends. Or, if you would rather, you can look for a random opponent.

There are even tournaments that can be played. This will help you earn more gold coins. Well, providing you when that is. I tried one last night when I couldn't sleep. I took the silver metal. I was able to get some more coins in my bank without annoying my Twitter and Facebook friends with postings

There is an option to make dice world ad free for just $1.99. So far though, the ads really haven't bothered me that much. I'm not sure if I will bother with the ad free version or not. Either way, this game is totally worth the download and space taken up on your phone. If you love Yautzy and other dice filled fine, you will love dice world! I highly recommend this for blind and sighted people alike.

Until next time… Remember… Look before you leap… And if you can't, well, that sucks

Insane Questions For The Blind

In talking to new friends in the blind community, I've come across some funny questions asked by the uninformed. These are just some of the few that I thought would make you smile.

1. How do you eat?

2. How do you have sex?

3. How do you go to the bathroom?

4. More specifically, how do you wipe your butt?

5. Are you just faking for attention?

6. How do you parent your child if you're blind?

7. Where are your sunglasses?

8. Do you know Steevie Wonder?

9. How do you walk?

10. How many fingers am I holding up?

11. What color is my hand?

12. Can you see me?

13. How do you read?

Though I could pick apart all of these for a million paragraphs, diagraming exactly why they are rediculous... I won't, at least not right now. That would be for another post on another day. For now, just join me and laugh at some of the silly things that blind people have been asked.

PS... please keep in mind that these questions were mostly asked by full grown adults... and then laugh a little harder

5 Reasons I'm Glad I Can't See

1. Some things are better left unsean... which will of course be explained further in the following entries.

2. The crack-heads that walk or ride their bikes around town toting their metal finds for their scrapping pleasure.

3. The guys that think it's sexy to expose half their butts to the world.

3. By contrast, those girls that think it's sexy and flattering to expose more skin than covered.

4. The dog that feels it necessary to poo in my front yard without my permission

5. Those people that think exceptable PDA is malling each other as heavily as they would do in a bedroom

There are of course many more and I will address them in future posts. If there are any you would like to add please feel free to leave them in the comment section of this post.

The good, The Bad, And The Ugly

No matter how positive a person is, it’s impossible to be optimistic all the time. Lately, I admit, I have been having the less than positive attitude. Don’t get me wrong, things are great.

Book stuff is wonderful and friends and family life is alive and kicking. The second situation is the reason for my slight state of dismay.

Having two beautiful daughters is the best part of my life. I would not change a single moment of it, even when I want to pull my hair out. Sometimes, one of them will do something adorable or new. I am elated for the newest milestone, but regret still floods my heart.

It’s a deep ache that stabs me all the way deep in my gut. My eyes start to sting and a lump forms in my throat. Sometimes, just being able to hear the even isn’t good enough.

Though I’m still happy it’s happened, I long to observe it for myself. Other people’s descriptions are great and much appreciated. It’s just not the same.

When Peanut started school, I was so happy for her. She was beyond excited and I don’t think her head left the clouds the entire morning. A genuine smile was plastered across my face. Inside, just inside, I was enveloped in a strenuous pity party.

It didn’t seem fair that I couldn’t see my baby at her first circle time, or doing the hand motions with her classmates to new songs. When she made her first new friend of the long school year, I couldn’t see the dimples on her cheeks as she smiled. When she played on the playground and rode in a wagon, I couldn’t see it for myself.

Am I usually down in the dumps about my situation? Nope, not at all. However, I feel it’s necessary to share everything with you, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The whole point of this blog is to shed a new light on the subject of blindness. I wanted to show people that there is a brighter side to the disability. Nevertheless, it is equally important to show the reality of the bad moments. Though they may be few and far between for me, they might not be for someone else.

To be able to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, you have to first see all angles of how they fit. So, that’s what this post is about. My shoes fit great, but sometimes there’s a lump in my sock that makes me uncomfortable for a minute.

On My Hands and Knees Begging For Help:)

I know that donating to a project or cause that you have no guarantee will be a success can be intimidating. Maybe you think your pledge won’t make a difference. Maybe you are leery of giving money to a stranger. No matter what the reason, I hope you will reconsider.

I assure you that every dollar earned will be going to this book project. My fans want it so much that it is crucial for me to get it done. That being said, there is no way I would ever back out of my end of the deal.

Kick Starter is a crowd funding website that aims to help connect people with creative projects with possible investors. A person has a limited amount of time to reach their goal. If their goal is not met, no money exchanges hands. That’s right, your money never leaves your wallet.

Second, if you decide to pledge, you will receive prizes for your generosity. Therefore, it’s kind of like purchasing something. Once the goal date has passed, all the people who supported the project will receive their items.

I plan to send people who pledge emails updating them on the progress on the production of the audio book. I am producing my books through a company called ACX. The narrator I have chosen is Melissa Strom. She is a well respected and very talented actress. She has agreed to stay on for the entire series which is anticipated to be four novels.

Again, I know it seems risky. Just know that I will never receive any of your financial banking information. All transactions are completed through Amazon Payments. This is a secure way to ensure your financial protection.

The reason it is so important to me to have my books done in audio is because… well, I myself am blind. I know what it’s like to look for a novel on Audible and have it not be there. That is one of the most frustrating things a book lover can go through. Additionally, as mentioned earlier, fans have written to me wanting to know when the series will be available in audio.

The only reason I haven’t done it by myself is because I haven’t had the money. My first book only just came out in August and the second will be out in December. Therefore, right now my funds are limited. I would never ask strangers for funds if it wasn’t completely necessary. This is the only way I can carry out this portion of my dream in a somewhat timely fashion.

I am a single mommy to two great little girls. I want them to be proud of their mom. Most of all, I want to build a career that will give them a better life. Yes, money can’t by happiness, but it is a big part of life.

I don’t want to depend on Disability income anymore. I want the pride of standing on my own two feet knowing that I’ve worked my buns off to get there. When I received my first royalty check of fifty dollars, you would have thought that I had been given a mountain of diamonds and gold ripe for the picking. I cried, knowing that this was my first real pay check. I earned it all by myself and not because of something that was beyond my control.

The town I live in is a difficult one for finding regular employment, especially when you have a disability. I have tried on numerous occasions to get a job. On all of those occasions I was turned down. They of course couldn’t tell me the real reason, but I knew what it was. They were intimidated by my blindness. They didn’t think I could handle the job, though I was more than qualified. I was never given the proper chance that I deserved and wanted so desperately.

You see, I have never been someone that enjoys getting something for nothing. That’s why it took me so long to decide on creating a Kick Starter project. I finally decided that it wouldn’t hurt to try. If someone didn’t want to pledge, they didn’t have to. If they did, then awesome.

I didn’t want to wonder for the rest of my life if it would have worked. It’s the what if’s that keep you up at night and kicking yourself in the end.

The great thing about a Kick Starter project is that you can back out at any time if you change your mind. The minimum pledge is one dollar, so breaking the bank is not a problem. You will have comfort in knowing that you helped in making someone’s dream come true. Someday when I’m as famous as James Patterson or any of the other great authors out there, you can say you helped me get to where I am.

I don’t plan to take your money and run. As I’ve said, you will get some really cool prizes for each of your donations. I will send you update emails and I’d like to keep in touch with you long after the project is completed. I want you to know that your contribution means a lot to me and I will never forget it or you. I will also be happy to respond to emails anytime, even if the project is done and the productions complete. After all, if it wasn’t for all of you, it wouldn’t be possible.

I only have until November first to reach my goal. That is less than two weeks away. So I am before you on my hands and knees begging for your support. Pretty please consider helping me achieve my dream. It would mean a lot and I’d be eternally grateful.

Help Bring Clandestine and Divinity to Audio

I have launched a project on Kick Starter My project is to raise the funds necessary for creating audio books of Clandestine and Divinity.
As most of you know, Clandestine and Divinity are the first and second book in the Bound In Blood series. Clandestine was released in August of this year in both print and eBook formats and is doing very well.

I have received several messages, mainly from viewers of this blog to make the series in audio. In order to make this a reality sooner rather than later, I have turned to Kick Starter for help.

For each pledge you make, you will receive several great rewards and prizes. It is a win win situation. You would be helping an author make her dream come true and getting something cool in return.

Even if you decide not to pledge, I would really appreciate it if you could visit the page anyway. You can see a super cute video of my two girls that will make you smile. While you're there, please be sure to help spread the word by pressing the Facebook like button, tweet it and or pin it. This will help get the word out. The more people that hear about this the better.

So have I convinced you yet? Please visit the site below and check out the project and cute video of the girls.



Thanks again and I hope you decide to help:)

Blind Characters Are Fun To Write

As some of you may already know I am working on a Young Adult Paranormal novel that will be out this summer. It is called Clandestine and is the first book in the Slayer Saga series. It has been very fun to write and I hope that everyone likes it.

One thing you might not know is that Clandestine has a blind character. Her name is Lucy and she is an amazing person. She has a perky bubbly personality that you can’t help but fall in love with.

In Clandestine she doesn’t have a huge role in the story. There is enough of her though that you will be left wanting more and more of Lucy. In the second book Divinity however, she plays a bigger part of the supernatural tale. I am having a blast writing Lucy’s part in Divinity. I have seen few books that have a blind character as a main character. Thanks to my own personal experiences it’s easy to write a blind character.

During Clandestine, Emily Jameson (the main character) suspects that her best friend may be either just freakishly intuitive or possibly even psychic. She doesn’t put a lot of stock in the latter option because she honestly doesn’t believe much in the whole prospect of telepathy, the supernatural or in magic in general.

At least that’s true until she’s violently shoved into the underworld when her small little town is taken over by vampires. These ones aren’t the teen dream though. They aren’t vegetarians and don’t sparkle in the sunlight. They are carnivorous creatures with an unquenchable thirst for the blood of Lakeview’s residents.

Can the blood suckers be stopped before the town is completely drained of life? Don’t let everyone else find out first! Pick up your copy of Clandestine as soon as it’s released. For more information and a chance to read the blurb about Clandestine visit my other blog at http://www.authornicolerae.blogspot.com

You can also find a link directly to the site on this page under the heading Visit My Other Sites. Please sign up to follow that blog as well as this one if you haven’t already. Help spread the words to all your friends and fellow readers by sharing this post and the ones from the other blog on Facebook, Twitter and in any other way you can.

Thanks for all your support and happy reading.

Different Is Beautiful

All I see is blackness
My eyes are open
Still, nothing but darkness
Close your eyes
See what I see
But know for me there is no compromise
You treat me differently, as though I’m invisible
But I can still hear you
Even if you’re not visible
No matter our differences my feelings run true
It hurts to be ignored but laughter is grand
The same as it is for you
Even in the darkness I see you
So why in the light
Do you still have no clue
Open your mind
Turn off your judgments
You may like what you find
Equality is sweet
Differences are beautiful
So shake my hand the next time we meet

Written by: Nicole Rae

Helping To Teach Tolerance

One good aspect of being the only blind member in your family is your ability to teach tolerance. It’s the perfect way for a “normal” person to have positive interactions with a disabled person. Most of all problems start from lack of knowledge. Having a disabled person in the family is a chance to learn that different is beautiful.

Many people react strongly when face to face with someone who is different than what they are used to. For some it’s hard to even approach a disabled person. They may even give them a wide birth and simply stare from a distance. Unfortunately, there is a multitude of complications with this reaction. First, by not approaching the person you may be missing out on a meaningful interaction that could form a long lasting friendship. Second, the person you’re staring at probably is well aware of the fact that you are staring at them. Third, you’re missing out on a chance to answer your own inquiries about the type of disability the person has.

Another common reaction is to treat the disabled person as though they are not mentally capable of holding an intelegent conversation/dialogue. For example: It’s never necessary to treat a thirty year old blind man as though he has the mental capacity of a three year old. All this will cause is a negative response from the person you’re attempting to interact with. The only incidence you should talk to a person as though they are a child is if they are one.
If you see a blind person (or any other type of disabled person) don’t be afraid to approach them. They wont bite, at least not mormaly. If you like their shirt tell them. If you have a question ask it of them. If asked appropriately the question will more than likely receive a positive reaction and maybe you will learn something about the person in the process. The only dumb question is the one you didn’t ask. I myself would much rather have someone ask me a question about my blindness then have them sit there and stare at me wondering silently.

When a disabled person is in your family that allows you to have normal day to day interactions with that person. It unconsciously teaches you that there’s a person behind the disability. They are not just a label from a pigeon hole stereotype. They have feelings, thoughts, opinions and knowledge that are valuable if just given the chance to express them. Instead of saying “this is my cousin Nikki and she’s blind”, maybe you’ll learn to say “this is my cousin Nikki and she’s a funny, intelegent wonderful person who just happens to be blind”. A disability is a very small part of someone. It is in no way, shape, or form the defining factor of their character.

A wonderful example of learned tolerance from my own life is that of my niece. She has grown up with a blind auntie pretty much all of her life. She has never known me with sight at least that she remembers. I lost my sight when she was far to young to have a strong recollection of me being able to see her.

When she was barely in grade school she was faced with a blind classmate that was in her grade. None of her other classmates played with the blind girl and she was always alone at recess other than her helper. A lot of the kids stared and whispered about her and rarely talked to her directly.

This of course changed with my niece. She was used to being around me, so she knew the right way to interact and assist a blind person. She took it apon herself to talk to the girl and get to know her. She assisted her when needed without doing so in a mocking way. They became good friends both at school and outside of it. My niece didn’t allow a small difference to influence her decision to make a knew friend. I am very proud of her for taking the chance and going against the grain.

If more people took this stand in life it would be a much more tolerant place for all. Difference IS beautiful and knowledge IS power. I challenge my readers to make an effort to connect with a person they would otherwise not interact with. I promise the result will be worth it and will have a meaningful impact on your life.

PS… I apologize for referring to the girl in my example as “the blind girl”. This was in no way intended to go against my advice and place a label on her. I don’t like to name names in my stories and it was simply a method of differentiating her in the story for clarification purposes only.

Did That really Just Happen 2

This story in particular is one of my favorites. I hope you get as much enjoyment out of the experience as I did. It happened several years ago and it still makes me laugh when I think about it…

A long time ago I used to live in a large apartment complex with roughly a hundred apartments. My building was three stories with eighteen apartments within it. I myself lived on the ground floor at the end of the building. The front door was located in a sort of corridor. It faced the door to my next door neighbor’s apartment.

One night I was relaxing in my apartment with my oldest daughter who was about two at the time. We were watching a movie cuddled up on the couch. I remember it was Toy Story. It was one of her obsessions back then we probably watched it a gazillion times a week.

About half way into it we were interrupted by a knock at the door. I pushed pause on the movie and listened carefully. I thought maybe it could have been on the neighbor’s door. It was fairly late and I wasn’t expecting anyone. It’s worth mentioning I hate when this happens. One of my irrational fears is that I’m going to open the door and get attacked since I can’t see it coming. I’m too short to reach a peep hole let alone be able to see out of one. Therefore, if I ask who it is and someone doesn’t answer, they don’t get in.

The knock sounded at the door again and I jumped. Slowly I made my way down the long hallway. Again, I know totally ridiculous but I used to always think if I didn’t walk cautiously the scary boogie man would get me for sure.
Once at the door I called, “Who is it?”

Nothing.

“Who is it?” This time I listened intently for any sign of who my visitor was.

Nothing. There wasn’t even so much as the sound of a shoe scuffing on the ground outside. The only noise was from the wind blowing through the corridor. Can I just say that totally added to the creep me out factor while I stood there.

I put my ear closer to the door. “Who is…”

Suddenly I was interrupted by another insistent knock at the door. I jumped back so fast as my heart violently thudding in my chest now. Why wasn’t who ever it was answering me? I wasn’t going to answer. It could have been a vicious serial killer waiting to bludgeon me to death. All though, you would think they would have been more stealthy. Pounding on my door would get the attention of the neighbors. At least you would think anyway. Not one door opened to see what the commotion was about.

My thoughts were interrupted by another knock more hurried this time. Now I was just getting irritated. Even if it was a psychopath they were just being rude.

In my most annoyed tone I said, “Seriously who is it? If you want me to open the door you gotta tell me who you are.”

Nothing again.

This was getting ridiculous. But as I was thinking that another stinkin knock sounded.

“Look a**hole! This isn’t funny! I’m not opening the door unless you tell me who you are!” As I roared out the response I held the phone up poised to dial. I may have sounded tough but it was all vibrato. I was shaking with both fear and irritation at this point. I had heard once that at these apartments someone had kicked in a door to break in. I of course was envisioning this while I stood there which help oh so much.

In the distance I heard a car door close. Finally, someone was going to observe what ever was going on here. Scuffling foot steps were walking into the corridor. Then there were mumbled voices behind my door. Ah hell, what was it my killers accomplice? Was that a laugh I just heard?

After a few seconds that stretched on like hours another knock came on my door. This time though it was much gentler and was followed by a voice.

“Excuse me?” The voice was polite. “It’s your neighbor from upstairs,” the voice called through to me.

I recognized the voice but had no idea who it was. “Who else is out there with you?” I asked shakily.

The stranger laughed. Actually laughed before replying. “It’s my boyfriend. He’s been knocking at your door for a while I guess. I’m Mat and his name is Antonio. I’ve seen you around, you’re blind right?”

Says the cat sweetly to the unsuspecting little mouse before he eats it. “Um…did you guys need something cuz if not I’m gonna call the cops.” I couldn’t help the acid in my voice. Sure this guy was being polite sort of but still. Why does he care if I’m blind? Why didn’t his boyfriend talk or at least go away when I didn’t answer? I wasn’t about to answer the door no matter how nice he was. And what did it matter that I was blind?

“Well… it seems the two of you are kind of a double edged sword,” he replied easily.

Okay so not the right metaphor to use with someone who is already freaked out. I didn’t say anything to him. Instead, I called my next door neighbor and asked her to come out and help me because these people were not leaving. The one called Mat seemed nice enough but I wasn’t taking that chance.

Once she came out she apparently was immediately clued into something I didn’t get.  “It’s alright Nick you can come out,” she said through laughter.

Tentatively I gave in and opened the door.

“Hi my name’s Mat.” The guy said in friendly tones. He took my hand and shook it.

“Hi? I’m Nikki?” I was so confused my words came out like a question. I wish someone would explain to me what the hell was going on.

As if hearing my thoughts Mat spoke in a soothing voice that barely masked the fact he was about to laugh. “I’m really sorry about this. I hope Antonio didn’t scare you. He wanted to know if you had some butter. He seen your light on and was sure you were home.”

“K…” I replied brilliantly.

Suddenly another hand was in mine shaking it. It felt smoother than Mat’s so I assumed it was Antonio’s. He didn’t speak though. He just made a noise that was between a grunt and a hum.

Then spoke Mat again, “This is Antonio. The reason he wasn’t answering you was because he’s deaf.”

Instantly my face floodd with red and I could feel it getting hotter by the second. “So he didn’t answer me because he’s… deaf?” My voice trailed off in bewilderment.

“Right,” said mat.

My next words came out slowly. I was still trying to figure it all out. “And I couldn’t see him so I wasn’t answering..?”

I asked the question more to myself then to Mat but he answered anyway.  “It would appear so.”

After a brief awkward silence the corridor erupted with hysterical laughter. Everyone was in stitches over the irony of the situation. Even Antonio was laughing so either Mat was signing to him or my slow idiot take made for easy lip reading.

After that night any time Antonio wanted to come to my door he called first or got someone to knock with him. He obviously was not psycho serial killer intent on bludgeoning me to death. He actually turned out to be a very nice guy and a good friend. It was an interesting friendship I admit, but one I will never forget.

What It's Like To Be Blind

Greetings Everyone! You would be absolutely amazed at how many times in my life I have been asked what it’s like to be blind. It’s happened so many times in fact that I’ve decided to blog about it. It’s not that it’s a dumb question because it’s not. The only question that is dumb is the one you didn’t ask. I actually encourage people to ask me anything they want to as long as they are respectful about it. Half the battle is getting the knowledge out there and if people don’t ask the knowledge is lost. Maybe if people asked more questions I would get stared at less and approached more. But that is a topic for another post. So as I was saying this particular post is to answer the above mentioned question to the best of my ability. It’s only my personal opinion and of course doesn’t in any way reflect the opinions of any other blind person. I’m going to answer this question in two ways because if you asked my answer would depend on the day.

On A Good Day: Normally being blind really isn’t a big deal. I’m not generally very negative about it because it’s just a fact of life. I’m blind so what? Being blind does not in any way define who I am. Blindness is just one small part of me. I don’t consider it a character trait or flaw.

I love my life and not missing much. I can still hear, feel and taste the world around me. I can still cook my girl’s dinner and clean my house. The only difference between me and a sighted person is the way I do things. Unfortunately, my vision does sometimes make an activity take longer to complete but I’ve gotten used to that so I don’t consider it a problem. One example of a simple task that sighted people can take for Granted is vacuuming. Most sighted people simply plug it in, turn it on and start moving around the house easily avoiding obstacles and not missing anything. For me it’s a bit different. When I go to plug something in I have to feel the wall in the facinity that I know the outlet is located. Next I feel the holes of the outlet to help me get my alignment right (PS… make sure your fingers are completely out of the way before putting the prongs in the outlet. I’ll explain later). Once the vacuum is plugged in I make sure the cord is out of the way so I don’t run it over. Oh I almost forgot. I vacuum completely bare foot. I do it this way because while I’m vacuuming I can feel with my feet as I walk things that I may have missed. In the areas of my house that I know are fairly open I can move at a decent pace. However, instead of gliding in one particular place say one or two times I do it four or five times to ensure it’s clean. I’m careful to move in strips and move to the next strip as straight as possible so again I don’t miss as much. In the areas that I know have the furniture I move slower and more carefully so not to slam the vacuum into them. I have to do it all in sections to be the most productive. When I’m done I try and walk through without the vacuum to feel for anything that was missed. If I know a particular area had crumbs spilled because of my wonderful slob children (just kidding… kinda) then I might even get on my knees and feel that spot with my hands. That’s a pretty good example of most tasks. I just take a little more time with them to at least attempt to ensure they are done properly. I also have a wonderful family support system that assists me with anything extra I need.

I can maneuver around my house completely without the use of my Cane. I prefer this because sometimes I need both my hands. Nevertheless, as well as I do this I still run into things sometimes really hard. Believe it or not I sometimes forget myself that I am blind. When this happens I usually walk through the house as though I can perfectly see any obstacle, corner, piece of furniture or toy that may be lingering on the floor. I do trip and fall on occasion because my speed doesn’t always reflect that I can’t see. I do admit that when this happens I often verbalize the use of expletives to make myself feel better or to at least if nothing else get my point across. When I’m at my parent’s house I don’t use my Cane either. When I run into an object there my fathers favorite comment to make is “we haven’t move the furniture recently.” Or, “That wall has always been there.” To this he generally receives an obscene gesture that shall remain nameless but I’m sure you get the point.

I’m used to “watching” TV as a blind person. For the most part it doesn’t bother me. The only time I get discouraged is when I’m “watching” a movie and the talking stops and transitions into a music sequence. Once it’s over I sometimes have a hard time catching up to what just happened. For this reason I like re-runs. Most of them have been showing for so long that I probably was able to actually see them for real in the past. I have a really good memory and can usually remember what’s happening with out being told. I do watch new shows and sometimes the blindness is helpful. My oldest daughter loves the show Hoarders. I honestly think if I could see half of what went on during that show I would be traumatized. PS… It’s never funny when a blind person says that they watched something for someone to say “really? How did you watch it?” Those statements get very old very quickly just sayin.

Cooking and travel are all the same as cleaning as well. They just take a little longer and I have to rely heavily on my other senses. I do admit my cooking abilities aren’t as strong as what they used to be. I sometimes get paranoid that I am not going to cook the meat right. They do make technology to aid with this but of course thanks to supply and demand it is pretty expensive. Traveling isn’t much of a problem. I’m lucky. As I mentioned before I have a family who is willing to help me with rides pretty much any where I need to go. I do live in a neighborhood that allows me to walk to some places. I like to walk as long as the whether is nice. As mentioned in past posts I’m not a fan of the rain. Also, my youngest daughter absolutely despises anything that spills water of any kind on her head so that adds another complication.  She tends to have a meltdown in the rain so I try to avoid it if at all possible.

I have a strong belief in God and the fact that everyone has a purpose. There is a reason I’m blind even if I haven’t figured it out yet. Maybe some day they will come up with a cure. If they do then that's wonderful. If they don’t then I’m not going to spend the rest of my life feeling sorry for myself. I have a life to live and I’m not going to let blindness or anything else stop me.

On A Bad Day: some days I can hardly get out of bed. I have pity party moments that make it hard to breathe. It’s hard for me to not see my girls. That is my one and only regret of my blindness. Sometimes when I listen to them play and acting silly, I have to swallow back the huge lump in my throat and blink back the tears even though I’m happy to at least hear them.

It’s unbearable to know that I won’t see them graduate. I won’t see them in their first formal dress for a dance posing next to their date. I won’t see their first terrible driver’s license picture. I won’t see the awkward puberty years when they start getting zits and their hair never seems to lay right. I won’t see them in their braces. I won’t see them in their wedding dress as they walk down the aisle.

If it wasn’t for these facts, I would be completely okay with my vision loss. Nevertheless, it’s because of my girls that I get up in the morning. It’s because of them that I strive to be a better person and set a good example for them. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be who I am today. Please don’t feel sorry for me because I’m not. These bad days are very few and far between but they are there on occasion. I try to put them on the back burner and most of the time I’m successful. Life is too short to stress about ones short comings.

In all actuality in some ways my blindness is a blessing in terms of the girls. It helps to teach them patience, tolerance and the ability to know it’s okay to be different. If everyone was the same in life it would be incredibly boring. I don’t look at my blindness as a hurtle. It’s simply a jumping block to help me get to new places in life.

Did That Really Just Happen

Greetings all! This time around I’m going to talk about an interesting thing that happened to me because of my blindness. You would be completely amazed how often these odd little incidences occur from day to day. Sometimes it’s annoying but usually it just makes me laugh. Sometimes, it leaves me thinking… did that just happen? Sometimes, I wish I could see so I could look someone in the eye properly while I give them the you’re an idiot look. But seriously, most of these things happen due to lack of knowledge and that’s one of the reasons I’ve started this blog in the first place. No not all of my writing will be about blindness but probably a good portion. I hope to add humor to the subject as well as put forth some pearls that will help someone interact with a blind person in their daily life. But anyway, back to the point… as you can tell I get distracted by myself.

Several years ago I walked down to the bus stop near where I lived. It was only two blocks away and I had walked the route several times while living there. It was a cold windy Washington day and believe it or not yes it was raining. This usually makes my travel a somewhat annoying experience. I must admit I absolutely hate walking in the rain. Yes I know, I so live in the wrong state. On this particular day I didn’t have my umbrella so my grouchy meter was climbing from the start.

I got to the stop about five minutes before the bus was scheduled to get there. I knew that gave me about a ten minute wait since the transit system was never ever under pretty much any circumstance on time. Please keep in mind I was standing by the pole that signifies the corner as a bus stop. There was even a clearly marked sign and everything. In fact, I was actually leaning on the pole patiently (well sort of) waiting for the bus. I had my backpack on and my cane in my hand. I should also mention I was playing with the cane before you later ask if I looked like I was getting ready to move. Also my head was pointed down not up at attention.

So about four minutes into my wait I hear a car pull over near me. Then I heard that car door open and a few seconds later it closed. Next, I hear quick footsteps coming toward me. I must admit I sort of freeze because my internal pessimist was screaming KIDNAPPER!! Obviously, I should have run but seriously what would have been the point? I probably would have just fallen or got hit by a car it was kind of a lose lose situation. All of these things raced through my mind in the split second I realized they were coming toward me.

The next thing I knew the person gently took my arm and started walking off the curb. I was so dumbfounded I didn’t say a word. And yes before you judge I know screaming would have been my best option. But in my defense it was the first time anything like this had ever happened to me and I panicked. It really kinda sucked because I actually do have a great girl scream. For the first time in my live my mouth didn’t work. For those of you who are reading this and know me I know that’s unlikely ha ha ha very funny.

Anyway. I quickly realized he wasn’t dragging me to his car where he would drive me to the sight of my untimely death. When he took me off the curb he went straight there was no turn towards his car at all. About the time we got to the curb across the street my idiocy finally dissolved and my lips unglued themselves.

“Um, what are you doing?” I asked stupidly and much too late.

My captor says casually, “Helping you across the street,” with no other explanation. His tone implied his action was obvious and I may be somewhat crazy for even asking such a question.

With a huge sigh of relief that I wasn’t going to die after all I replied, “Great thanks, now can you take me back cuz I wasn’t trying to cross.”

Needless to say we both felt completely stupid. He somehow thought not talking to me first was the best option and I was a moron and just let it happen. Again, in my defense I was much younger at the time and quite a bit more ignorant not to mention a coward. I was a lot newer to my vision loss then, so any form of confrontation scared the crap out of me.

So the moral of this story is when someone randomly grabs you away from your bus stop no matter the reason scream your stinking head off. Or at least have enough courage to ask what the hell the person is doing. Also your cane isn’t just for mobility; it can be a great weapon if you actually attempt to use it as one. However, in this particular case my attacker was actually a Good Samaritan so a blow to his knee with my cane would have been kinda rude.

PS...
If you’re thinking this is too odd to be true, don’t. I promise you this actually happened and yes it’s embarrassing. Even still, it’s funny too and one of the points of this blog is to shed light on the subject of blindness. It isn’t always pretty but it’s my life and I wouldn’t change a minute of it. Stay tuned for further installments in this series.

Intro To Me

The land of blogs is completely new to me. I've always thought it would be cool but never thought to actually do it. I'm not really sure if this blog will have a set theme but hopefully as it takes shape it's purpose will present itself on it's own. Of course there are numerous things I could write about but for now with this post I will simply introduce myself. Well here goes nothing...

I'm twenty-eight years old and not sure if I like it. I miss the good old days sometimes when the biggest worry was getting a research paper turned in on time and what I was going to wear to school tomorrow. I miss the great friends I had in high school that I've since lost touch with other than on the wonderful world of Facebook. I of course don't miss curfews, punishments, bedtimes, phone restrictions and those annoying girls that always seemed to be in the way at school.

Now I'm a mom to two amazing girls that are in essence my entire life. They totaly drive me crazy but I can't possibly imagine life without them. There's quite an age gap between them so that of course makes for some interesting challanges sometimes but we manage. At least I think we do, would you call wanting to pull my hair out sometimes managing??? Well anyway back to my story.

I have the cutest little dog in the entire world who will be one year old at the end of this month. He is a shorky and we absolutely adore him.

We live in a typical house in a pretty good area of town in which it rains far to often. All in all it's a relatively good life. Like anyone else I have normal day to day drama, stress and chaos. Honestly, without at least a little of that life would seem boring.

Unfortunately, some of my stresses are made worse by my disability. Oh yeah, did I mention I'm blind? Well I am and most of the time it's no big deal but other times that fact is truely the bane of my existance. There is no cure for the conditions that I have as of yet. I have Retinitis Pigmentosis(RP) and C.O.A.T.S which is an acronym for a really big word that I sadly have no knowledge of how to properly pronounce let alone spell. Basically in a nut shell I was screwed right out of the gate.

I was born with both conditions but wasn't diagnosed until the age of five when I was starting school and went in for a regular eye exam. RP is a condition taht affects the perifial part of the eye and C.O.A.T.S covers the central portion of the eye. I didn't start really losing my vision until I turned eighteen. Up until then I was considered legaly blind but no one around me really knew the difference. I did things completely normally. I could play catch, read regular sized print, walk or run without assistance and yes before you ask I could even dress myself and tie my shoes.

I became pregnant my Junior year of high school. Wait, before you judge or comment I'm well aware it wasn't morally the most responsible act I've ever done. But, I have no regrets and wouldn't change a thing because it's helped to make me who I am today. Also before you ask yes I graduated high school with my class with an official diploma. Anyway as I was saying...

Towards the end of my pregnancy was when I started to notice some issues with my vision. So I guess that would have been slightly before I turned eighteen.

I was laying on my parent's bed watching TV one night when everything began to change. I went to itch my left eye and when I did that made me look with only my right. I remember this like it was yesterday. It scared the heck out of me. I was looking up at the time staring up at the ceiling fan/light. It had five lights in it modeling what a five would look like on a dice. When I itched my left eye making it close, suddenly I could only see two of the five lights. I didn't really know what to make of it. I was really wierded out and kept covering my left eye and then removing it to compare what I wasn't seeing.

I yelled for my mom and dad to see what they thought. They said that I was going to have to go see my specialist and get it checked out as soon as possible. They of course tried to do the parent thing and comfort me by saying oh it's no big deal I'm sure it's nothing.

I however was pretty sure something major was going on. The next day the doctor confirmed my fears. My retina had detached. The only way to stabalize the eye was to surgically fix the problem. Seems logical right?

The only problem was I was starting the last trimester of my pregnancy and couldn't have eye surgery. The doctor said I would have to wait until I delivered my baby girl. Meanwhile, the only thing we could do was hope and pray no other complication came up with my vision while I waited for the surgery.

Soon after that I learned that my baby was breach and I would have to have a C-section instead of a normal delivery. I must admit I was totaly freaked. I was barely eighteen and was going to have two surgeries done in a matter of months. Also, I'm sort of a baby when it comes to pain so the entire prospect scared the bejeases right out of me.

Since I had to have surgery in order to have my little girl that pushed the eye surgery out a little further. The doctor wanted me to recover fully before putting me under the knife again.  Which on one hand was cool with me because again, not a fan of pain or knives.

The birth of my beautiful baby girl went flawlessly and the recovery while bumpy, went pretty good. I was eager to get the eye surgery done and over with before something else went wrong in my eye. I didn't like the idea of someone tinkering with my eye but I braved through it and it went flawlessly too.

I don't really reccomend eye surgery as an elective though just sayin. It is seriously the wierdest thing I have ever experienced. When you first wake up afterward your eye is patched so you don't try and scratch or anything. Even though they tell you ahead of time that it's going to be like that it doesn't make the experience any easier. When you wake up and are all groggy from the knock out drugs all you know is you went in being able to see light and came out in pitch blackness. It's not very comforting let me tell you.

From then on life at least as far as my vision was concerned went down hill tremendously. I have now had about tenn eye surgeries (more or less) all together between both eyes. Some were serious and others were minor procedures that were done right in the doctors office. None of the surgeries made my vision any better though. Their main purpose was to keep the eye stable and keep me from losing what ever vision I had at the time of each surgery. The two pre-existing conditions that I started out with later stemmed into further trouble. In addition to those I'm now blessed with glaucoma, nystagmous and I had catteracts. These new conditions are also in both eyes and also have no cure, well accept for the catteracts of course.

I'm down to pretty much no vision in either eye. I have a very small amount of light perception in the left and can't even see shadows or shapes in either. It's been a roller coaster at best and an emotional wreck at worst. I like anyone else have my bad days where I don't even want to get out of my bed in the morning. But, I have more good days. I know that my little girls need me to be me and not be depressed lets have a pity party me.

So, I deal the best way I can even if some days it's just going through the motions. I make light of the situation and try to laugh it off as much as possible. I still have the use of all four limbs, a strong heart, a voice and I have really strong ears that sometimes hear more than I want them to. Reguardless of my vision I live a relatively normal life with mostly minor hiccups. But really it's the hiccups that make life exciting and I'm cool with that.