The good, The Bad, And The Ugly

No matter how positive a person is, it’s impossible to be optimistic all the time. Lately, I admit, I have been having the less than positive attitude. Don’t get me wrong, things are great.

Book stuff is wonderful and friends and family life is alive and kicking. The second situation is the reason for my slight state of dismay.

Having two beautiful daughters is the best part of my life. I would not change a single moment of it, even when I want to pull my hair out. Sometimes, one of them will do something adorable or new. I am elated for the newest milestone, but regret still floods my heart.

It’s a deep ache that stabs me all the way deep in my gut. My eyes start to sting and a lump forms in my throat. Sometimes, just being able to hear the even isn’t good enough.

Though I’m still happy it’s happened, I long to observe it for myself. Other people’s descriptions are great and much appreciated. It’s just not the same.

When Peanut started school, I was so happy for her. She was beyond excited and I don’t think her head left the clouds the entire morning. A genuine smile was plastered across my face. Inside, just inside, I was enveloped in a strenuous pity party.

It didn’t seem fair that I couldn’t see my baby at her first circle time, or doing the hand motions with her classmates to new songs. When she made her first new friend of the long school year, I couldn’t see the dimples on her cheeks as she smiled. When she played on the playground and rode in a wagon, I couldn’t see it for myself.

Am I usually down in the dumps about my situation? Nope, not at all. However, I feel it’s necessary to share everything with you, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The whole point of this blog is to shed a new light on the subject of blindness. I wanted to show people that there is a brighter side to the disability. Nevertheless, it is equally important to show the reality of the bad moments. Though they may be few and far between for me, they might not be for someone else.

To be able to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, you have to first see all angles of how they fit. So, that’s what this post is about. My shoes fit great, but sometimes there’s a lump in my sock that makes me uncomfortable for a minute.

A Little About My New Project And A Little About Clandestine

I just got back from camping today and it’s been a very productive writing day. My kids have been absorbed in activities that they haven’t been able to do much in the last week or so which has allowed me to be very efficient with my latest project.

I am super excited about it because the main character of this one is a totally blind person. It isn’t as easy as you would think to write a character like that. Sure I can’t see so I can easily get into the person’s head to write them that’s true. But a reader (especially a sighted reader) wants description. A blind reader wants description too but for a different reason. I live by the saying that an audio book is a blind person’s television. This is because you don’t miss anything when you read like you do when you listen to your favorite show or movie.

Anyway as always I’m veering off track. In order to make a blind main character work affectively I have decided to make her someone who became blind rather than someone who was born that way. She has only been blind for a year so she is still in the stage where she is pretty much a Debbie Downer on the subject. It hasn’t dawned on her yet in the book that blindness isn’t the end of the world.

I went through a lot of mixed emotions when I lost my sight. I have also had gobs of people ask what that was like and how it felt. I thought it would be a good element to add to the story of such a multi faceted character.

The book is still in the beginning stages so I don’t want to give away much but I will tell you that I’m only at chapter 4 and I’m already falling in love with it. Don’t get me wrong I love Clandestine too but in an entirely different way. The Bound In Blood series is fun to write and I have put a lot into it. But with this project I’ve really delved into my soul and put a piece of my soul into it.

I hope you adore this story as much as I do. I am unsure yet if it will be a series but can definitely see the potential for one with the plot that is unraveling.

I promise to keep you up to date on that and also with the second book in the Bound In Blood series Divinity whenever possible. I know I have been neglecting my blogs lately and for that I’m sorry, I truly am. But its summer time so both kids are home full time, we’ve been camping a bunch and also been devoted to the new books I’m working on coupled with getting Clandestine out for your viewing pleasure.

There have been a lot of questions about whether or not Clandestine will be made into an audio book. When it is released it will only be available in print and EBook. BUT I promise that an audio version will be made available as soon as that is possible. Unfortunately, the production of an audio book is very expensive. I looked into hiring a narrator but the cheapest I have found is five hundred dollars and right now that is just not an option for me. That is definitely one down side to self publishing, accessible formats take a while if they come at all.

I have been looking into finding someone I know read it for me but that isn’t as easy as it looks either. I have to be sure the person has the right quality and tone to their voice to portray Emily as well as the rest of the slayer gang. It will be done I promise. I’m just not sure when.

I will write again soon and let you know how things are going. PS… I will be posting this same post on both my blogs so all of you will be equally informed.

Dreaming Blind

Everyone dreams whether they remember them or not is another story. The images depicted during sleep depend on the person who develops them. I was recently askedhow a blind person dreams? Does a person who is born blind have different dreams from someone who became blind?

The answers are simple. Blind people dream just like a sighted person. The only difference is the types of dreams that they have. Just as no two people are the same, neither are their dreams. Dreams are based on thoughts, memories and experiences.

That being said, it would obviously be difficult for a person who has been blind since birth to dream images. They do not have any visual memories or experiences to draw from. This is not to say that they are incapable of having a dream. It has been said that some people have what is called an auditory dream. This means the person dreams in sounds and voices. The dream will exhibit scenarios based on the dreamers experiences but in an all audio format with no pictures.

As for people who became blind later in life, their dreams depend on at what age they lost their sight. For example, a person who lost their sight at age fifty are going to have more visual experiences to draw from then a person who lost their sight at age five.

Personally, I dream as though I were still sighted. My sight really started to decline at age twenty. My sight in the waking hours was limited at best. In dreamland though my dreams have always been vivid and clear as crystal. The only time I don’t see things properly in my dreams is when I’m picturing something or someone that I’ve never actually seen. If I’m dreaming about a person they might have blurry features but are still present visually in some form or another. Sometimes my mind even makes up their appearance but what I think they might look like. Sometimes, I get this right other times the person looks the exact opposite of what I imagined.

I’m glad I dream so vividly. It gives me the opportunity to see faces and places I would have otherwise forgotten. It keeps me aquainted with the things that are most important to me. This way when the genious’s of the medical world invent a cure for my eye condition. Although, I do admit that I am slightly worried about this. People aren’t going to look just as I remember them. I wonder if I will even recognize certain people.

If you are a blind person reading this how do you dream? If you became blind later in life are your dreams different from when you could see? If you are sighted, what do you think you would miss the most if you only had auditory dreams?

If you have thoughts to these questions please log them in the comment section of this post. Also, feel free to ask any questions of your own. If I can’t answer them maybe one of the visually impaired readers wouldn’t mind fielding it.

As always thanks for reading.