The good, The Bad, And The Ugly

No matter how positive a person is, it’s impossible to be optimistic all the time. Lately, I admit, I have been having the less than positive attitude. Don’t get me wrong, things are great.

Book stuff is wonderful and friends and family life is alive and kicking. The second situation is the reason for my slight state of dismay.

Having two beautiful daughters is the best part of my life. I would not change a single moment of it, even when I want to pull my hair out. Sometimes, one of them will do something adorable or new. I am elated for the newest milestone, but regret still floods my heart.

It’s a deep ache that stabs me all the way deep in my gut. My eyes start to sting and a lump forms in my throat. Sometimes, just being able to hear the even isn’t good enough.

Though I’m still happy it’s happened, I long to observe it for myself. Other people’s descriptions are great and much appreciated. It’s just not the same.

When Peanut started school, I was so happy for her. She was beyond excited and I don’t think her head left the clouds the entire morning. A genuine smile was plastered across my face. Inside, just inside, I was enveloped in a strenuous pity party.

It didn’t seem fair that I couldn’t see my baby at her first circle time, or doing the hand motions with her classmates to new songs. When she made her first new friend of the long school year, I couldn’t see the dimples on her cheeks as she smiled. When she played on the playground and rode in a wagon, I couldn’t see it for myself.

Am I usually down in the dumps about my situation? Nope, not at all. However, I feel it’s necessary to share everything with you, the good, the bad, and the ugly.

The whole point of this blog is to shed a new light on the subject of blindness. I wanted to show people that there is a brighter side to the disability. Nevertheless, it is equally important to show the reality of the bad moments. Though they may be few and far between for me, they might not be for someone else.

To be able to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, you have to first see all angles of how they fit. So, that’s what this post is about. My shoes fit great, but sometimes there’s a lump in my sock that makes me uncomfortable for a minute.

Peek-A-Boo I Can't See You

All kids love hide and seek and my two girls are no exception. My oldest daughter loved that game since as long as I can remember. The moment she learned it was her favorite. This was true even though she didn’t always quite grasp the concept.

I remember when I could still see she would put her hands up and cover her eyes. She would be standing in the middle of the room when she did this. She thought what a lot of little ones thought. If she couldn’t see me then I couldn’t see her. My favorite though was when she would hide behind sheer curtains staring right at me the whole time. She saw me looking back at her but that made no difference. When I commenced the man hunt leaving no pillow unturned she would giggle from her latest favorite hiding spot. When I looked behind the curtain there was an eruption of hysterical giggles that burst from her smiling lips.

As my sight depleted, this game became harder and harder. I must admit it was made easier by her snickering that would get louder the closer I got to her. It was like a blind person’s game of hot and cold.

She soon realized though that playing hide and seek with mommy was the best. She could resort back to hiding in the middle of the room again and she didn’t even have to cover her eyes. She soon became the master of stealth mode.

It wasn’t long before the giggles were nonexistent. The thrill of the hunt was to enticing for her. She liked to wait me out and see how long it took to be found. Now I use the “found” term loosely because there were a few times where I would trip and she would give up the game to see if I was okay. Once I realized this I learned to use that to my advantage during the games that were never ending. I would randomly sit down on the ground saying, “Oh no honey! Mom fell down!” It worked every time. No, I didn’t do this every time but sometimes it was necessary. That girl could seriously last forever.

Have you ever seen the movie 007? I used to think of Lex as 00-kid. She could hold herself completely still. There wouldn’t be a single peep to help me locate her hiding spot. Sometimes I swear she stopped breathing.

The worst part about this was when she was in trouble. She would get into something and take off running with it. Just when I thought I was getting close to her she would dodge me and slip into stealth mode. I learned the power of patience real quick. She was young enough that threatening time out didn’t work well yet. I had to just wait her out. Sometimes she would get bored and talk to me. Other times though I would have to implement the fall down tactic I mentioned before.

I know what you are thinking. Scary. Yes it was sometimes but for the most part I knew it wasn’t a big deal. My house was totally baby proofed and nothing was left out that could be potentially harmful and all my plug ins were covered.

The most important thing for blind parents to remember is to take deep breaths and calm down. As long as you have your house baby proofed and all the exits locked, you don’t have a lot to worry about. Enjoy your kids and learn to laugh more when times are tough. It’s not the end of the world I promise. Kids hide from their parents every day. The only difference is our kids can do it out in the open.
Stay tuned for the next installment of Peek-A-Boo I can’t See You where I will tell you about my youngest. She has never known me as a sighted parent so things are a little different.

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